how things are (mostly)

When I am having a chemo session, the day before, day of, and day after are mostly influenced by the steroids which I take for those days (technically, I only take them day before and day after, but there are some in the IV during chemo, too). Which means my energy is usually a little high, and I've been known to be bouncy and talkative. If you were after a girls night, I'd be fairly entertaining, possibly even annoying, and not at all in pain or tired (sometimes the bone/joint pain hits after chemo, but it's easily dealt with).

The day after that, I start to get a little tired and spacey/foggy. Functional, but not so much fun or energetic.

The day after that, the fatigue hits, and hangs out for two days. Usually no pain or stress involved, but I may be dealing with small annoyances, like hot flashes, numb taste buds, constipation, or the inability to focus on anything for very long. I'm not much fun for those two days, and may even be short with you; not because you did anything wrong, but because I've not got the energy to be polite or friendly. I pretty much stay at home during this time and try to sleep it off. I usually feel a little better if I can get out and take a walk between naps. (I like a little company on a walk, if I can get it. If I'm up to a walk, I'm usually not too grumpy, either.)

Once those two days have passed, my energy level starts to return to normal.
I usually work close to a full day (6-7 hrs seems to be the average) the first day back, and then work a normal 8 hr (or more) day the rest of the work-days in that week. I mostly look normal during this time, though maybe a little full in the face or with odd-looking skin tone on some days. My taste buds take a little longer to return to normal, so I try not to think about it. Sometimes the work-day is about all the energy I had, sometimes I'm up for an evening out afterward. Depends, as you might expect, on how the work-day went.

I then get a full two weeks before my next chemo session, during which time, I feel, look, and behave pretty much like my normal self. (Except, my sleep cycle is a bit off, so I'm getting to work later and working into the evening. Hoping to shift that.) The main difference is that instead of my own hair, I put on a wig or a scarf every day, so you never know what might be on my head.

But the rest of me is just like I used to be. Or as close as makes no difference.

(I'm not sure if perhaps my personal scent has changed. I wonder about this, but have nobody close enough to me to ask about it. It's the sort of thing a spouse would know/notice, and I haven't got one of those.)

Point is: I'm not sick. I'm not in pain. I can, and do, go out in public. Like a normal person.

Movies and TV have not really been good to cancer/chemo in this respect. They paint it like the person having treatments is gaunt, weak, and in pain all the time. While there may be some kinds of chemo that will do this to a person, and while more frequent treatments could possibly have this effect (such as when the cancer is spreading, or has returned, and it's an all-out battle to save the patient - which is not where I am), the fact is that chemo is not as devastating as it used to be. There are drugs to combat nearly every side effect, and many patients, especially young people like me, can and do manage a fairly normal life most of the time.

My doctors keep telling me: attitude is everything. I believe it.

(Please know that if you know someone who is undergoing chemo who is being totally beaten by it, I am not trying to minimize or give a lie to their experience. Every blend of chemo is different, and every person reacts differently. Please send them my love and hope.)