Thursday morning, Jan 5, I check my phone as I unplug the charger (I've been using it a lot), and there's nothing, so I go about my morning. I check it again just before I get in the shower, but still, nothing.
I check again, after I'm dressed, but not fully ready yet, and there is a missed call and a voicemail. My doctor had called an hour earlier, according to my phone, and said he had the results. I call him back immediately, explaining that it was on silent, but I don't know why I didn't see the call until now.
He makes me write it down: Grade 3* invasive ductal carcinoma.
He asks me if I'm alone, or is there someone with me. I say that my boys (twins, 19 yrs old) are asleep still, but I can call my mom. He is concerned that I'm not really hearing what he's saying, that I'm not taking it in. But I am. I assure him that yes, I will call my mom, and that I'm fine, it's okay. He says, no, it's not okay. I say it could be worse. He says, no, actually, it couldn't.
I'm not sure how to explain to him that, as I'm still breathing, and he hasn't told me they can't do anything about it, that I am, in fact, fine. How do I explain that I know it won't kill me? It isn't logical, and, yes, I could be wrong. But I don't think I am. He tells me that the surgeons office should call me soon to set up an appointment for later that day, and to call him if I haven't heard from them by 3pm.
I call mom, tell her what I know, and decide that I'll go to work.
The surgeons office calls me almost immediately, and we exchange information, and set up the appointment for later that day. I call mom and ask if she'll go with me for that, and drive, which of course she will.
On my way to work, I call another friend - one that worries, so, I hadn't told her anything yet. She reacts just about as I expected, wants to come over right away, etc. I calm her down, tell her I'll call her again later, and go to work, where I'll spend the next few hours talking to various people in the office to arrange for taking care of my clients while I'm gone.
*this is not the same as stage - they won't know that until after they remove it
I am so sorry to hear about your news, but I am glad that you have a positive attitude and seem to have a lot of support. I've been teaching a psych class, and the textbook says that people with positive attitudes about their breast cancer diagnoses have much better outcomes. I know that you and your mom are right, and you're going to kick its butt. *smile* *hug*
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